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Those old chemo feelings!

Well, Monday officially marked my fifth immunotherapy treatment, my ninth round of chemo ever, and first of four rounds of this specific chemo, Carboplatin. The good news is that it's not as debilitating as the AC/T drugs. The bad news is that it's still chemo, and is bringing up a lot of old feelings, both emotional and physical. Emotionally, I'm burnt out on this shit. I'm sick of drugs and doctors and medications. I feel like after 10 months, I've done my fair share of gdamn cancer treatment, and all this extra stuff just seems, well, excessive. Physically, I've got the slightest undercurrent of nausea running at most times, paired with that familiar and persistent heartburn I used to get in the days after a chemo treatment. There's no sugarcoating it, it sucks. And I'm feeling down. 

But of course, the down is always punctuated with the knowledge that it could be a lot worse, and the good folks in my life are always working to make things better for me. The weekend after I got the news about the extra chemo, I was lucky to get to host my girlfriends for dinner, including a very special guest from the west, darling Sami. Sami lost her mom Jeannie to breast cancer a few years back, and she has been an amazing support from her homestead in Cali, sending love, notes, gifts, and positive vibes throughout my treatment. Seeing her in person was just amazing, and it is always such a good feeling to gather and cook for my lovely girlfriends in my home. We even belatedly got to celebrate Em's birthday, which we always miss because it's on Christmas: 


And the next day, I got to celebrate the birthdays of another one of my favorite ladies, Allix: 


It was so nice to get to snuggle Milo and hang with her crew. Unfortunately, after the weekend, I spent the week prior to chemo completely laid out, as I came down with yet another cold. Needless to say, I was annoyed to be spending my last week before chemo-induced sickness sick with something else. Luckily by Friday I was feeling better, and I got to enjoy the weekend a bit. On Friday, Em, Elana and I went to a pretty bad play, followed by a pretty good dessert session in K-town (thanks again for treating me, ladies!) On Saturday, Grisha and I finally used a gift card to the Clover Club that was graciously gifted from my middle school friends, Kathleen and Kayley: 


That night, we headed to Nicole and Steve's for some pizza and chicken wings and a viewing of the original Watchmen movie- a great, chill night. And on Sunday, we also got to meet our newest cousin, Ninette's new puppers, Ace: 


Come Monday, I was annoyed to be doing treatment, but lucky to have my parents drive me there: 


And I was also lucky to get a surprise visit from Allix, who spent her lunch break chilling and keeping us company, which was super nice. And because my network never fails, I got more care packages from a few of you lovely people.

On the left, a beautiful package of chocolate, teas, creams, and the sweetest notes and drawings from  Nicola, Marine, and Octave, sent all the way from Belgium after they recently caught wind of what we've been going through. A truly lovely gift from truly lovely old friends. And on the right, Jon and Katie sent me a card and the BEST notebook and pens from their local stationary store, which I am obsessed with but am always too cheap to purchase from for myself. Thank you, lovely brother and future sis-in-law. As for the past few days, I've spent them resting my chemo brain and nursing this acid reflux. Hoping to be in better shape by the weekend. Until then, fuck you chemo! 

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