I'm a pisces, but I had cancer!

Since I recently kind of got sick of not posting on social media about this huge part of my life*, I believe there are a few new readers joining us- if so, welcome! Thank you for being interested enough to join in for my ramblings. So let's get this party started. Happy Thanksgiving weekend, everybody! Since my last post, I have been keeping on top of my daily radiation sessions- as of Friday, I've officially finished 11 of 25, or 44% of my treatments! It's been mostly uneventful/tolerable, but I did have a bit of a breakdown at my session on Friday. You see, every 5 days or so of treatment, my radiation techs** are required to take images of my chest wall. This involves me lying still, half-naked, and with my arms above my head in the exact same position on a very hard table for roughly an hour. Mind you, this would be very uncomfortable for just about anyone, but it is especially uncomfortable for someone not even 2 months out from a double mastectomy/axillary lymph nod...

Hello! It may have been the longest stretch of time I've gone without posting since starting this blog, and that is mostly a good thing. It means that I've had the energy to get back into the swing of things, and to be busy. I recently listened to  a podcast  by the woman who wrote the book I reference in my breast cancer awareness month post and she said something that really rang true to me. In describing her life pre-cancer, she said something along the lines of, "our life was full of well, a whole lot of life." I very much feel the same way. And getting back to a new normal, one with a whole lot of doctors, but also a whole lot of well, life, has been very cathartic for me. This has meant that:  I've been prepping my lectures for my class (and giving them once a week) and going grocery shopping and cooking us dinner.  I've been making carrot cakes for Grisha and celebrating him with all of our nearest and dearest:  I've been going to PT,...

Well, we got some more fun news in cancer land this week. My oncologist called on Monday, and she informed me that between my first biopsy when I was diagnosed in May and when they took the tumor out of me in October, the composition of my tumor changed, at a cellular level. As a reminder, when I was first diagnosed, my tumor was estrogen receptor positive, progesterone receptor negative, and HER-2 negative.* Well, during chemo, turns out it morphed into an estrogen receptor positive AND a HER-2 positive tumor. This type of evolution is pretty rare. Generally speaking, rare in the world of cancer is not great, because there's not a lot of tried and true methods to follow. But more on that later.  First, what does this actually mean in terms of my treatment and prognosis? HER-2 positive tumors tend to be more aggressive, i.e. faster growing, faster spreading, with a higher risk of recurrence ( that's bad ). But for the last 10-ish years, there has been an immunotherapy drug us...

A lot can happen in a week of cancer treatment, and it's been quite the week. Last Friday, I had my first appointment with my oncologist since my surgery. It was a pretty rough one, to say the least. Because my post-surgery pathology showed that I had quite a bit of residual disease left (i.e. they still saw living cancer cells in my tumor/6 of my lymph nodes), my oncologist is suggesting a particularly aggressive course of additional treatment to attempt to prevent a recurrence*. Namely, she is considering 6 months of oral chemo after my 25 radiation sessions and would like me to do 10 years of the most extreme of hormone suppressants, which involves taking a pill every day for the next ten years, during which I will not be able to get pregnant. I had a lot of feelings after the appointment. Among them, fear, frustration, sadness, and, perhaps most of all, anger. It's hard not to think about how my cancer was about one-fifth of the size of the disease that I had left me AFTE...

I could not have picked a better time to have a double mastectomy, because October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month! This likely means that you've seen a pretty horrendous shade of pink just about everywhere, adorning anything from  donuts to watches and skin cream . Ah, the wonders of late-stage capitalism.  Through the course of a few conversations since my diagnosis, I'm realizing that many people in my network don't have a great comprehension of my type of cancer, my treatment, and what comes along with a breast cancer diagnosis. This is all totally understandable, as I had very little knowledge of this stuff before being thrown into the lion's den myself.* So this bonus post serves to educate you all a bit- consider it your guide to what those dollars from pink-adorned food and retail are for.  So let's start with the basics- getting breast cancer at my age is pretty rare. 1in 8 American women will be diagnosed with breast cancer in their lifetime. T...

Hello friends, it has been a bit since I've done a post, so here goes. Last weekend, I had a wonderful time with my girlfriends from high school. Bekah was visiting from Shanghai, Anna Laura came up from DC, Katie came over from her new digs in Jersey City, and Elana came down from Crown Heights. It was so lovely to be reunited, and I think that this photo just perfectly sums up the time we had together:  During the week, Bekah and I would go for walks and hang out until she had to work (on China time, basically night through morning 😱): I also finally filled my post-chemo urge to get sushi with my mom and Jeremy, who was briefly in town for work: On Friday, we all had dinner together up at my mom's: And finally got into yet another cake from Elana: On Saturday, Nicole came by in the morning, and we caught up after her return from Spain. Then Greg made brunch and the girls and I spent the rest of the day going for a walk and then lounging. That night,...

Officially one week out from surgery and I can confidently say that (surprise, surprise) recovering from a double mastectomy is no walk in the park! I wake up with a tremendous amount of pain and pressure in my chest, as well as under my armpits. The meds definitely help throughout the day, but I am tired, and staying on top of my meds and physical therapy pretty much eats up my time. My scars are pretty scary, and I'm already frustrated with my limitations. But in this past week, I have also been so loved and cared for by my friends and family.* In addition to having my mom around, Grisha took off from work to help me last week. Not to mention the fact that we were lucky to have my tata Aline et tonton Armand in town through Sunday. Plus, we had lovely visitors on Thursday (Elizabeth and Martina), Friday (Elana), Saturday (Artur and Bela), Sunday (Hannah and Seb), and Monday (Amina and Sandro). Our house is full of sweets and flowers and good vibes. I have failed to take any pho...