I'm a week out and doing a bit better!

My last post was a bit of a downer, so I just wanted to do a really short guy to say that I'm a week out from surgery and I'm doing a bit better! Last night we even sat in the park (me in a chair) for hours to celebrate Alan's bday. I saw this dog wearing a rave collar and it really brought up my spirits:

Sometimes it's the little things. (Seeing friends in this very isolating climate was also nice.) Love you, you small batch of readers.

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One year (and counting) in crip time!

Hello friends and family, I hope you all are doing well. Things, like in most places still under lockdown, are pretty much the same over here. I am still trying to do work. Greg is still trying to (and succeeding at) baking bread. I go for my treatments once every three weeks, and we go on walks and get to sit outside more as the weather gets nicer. but in general, we are in a vortex of time and a confine of space that in many ways, as I mentioned in my last post, is pretty similar to the last year of my life as a cancer patient. It's been this view, day in and day out: I did reach a pretty big milestone a few weeks back- a year since my diagnosis, or my cancerversary, as folks in the club like to call it. I wish I could say that Greg and I had a big old party and celebrated me still being alive, but if I'm being honest, I was in a funk about it all week. I thought a lot about the ambitious and productive person that I was a year ago, pre-illness.* I got angry reliving...

This is cancer!

Cancer is... Waking up to find hundreds of hairs on your pillow and being scared of the shower because the hair just won't stop falling out. Drinking water and electrolytes nonstop and still feeling dehydrated all. the. damn. time. Reading the same paragraph over and over and over and not absorbing any of it. Thinking your brain will never be clear enough to finish your dissertation. Wondering about what you would be doing in that moment if you didn't have cancer. Saying to yourself, "I have cancer." and it still being weird. Wanting to call your Mami but not wanting to have to answer the question about why you're not having babies yet. Sore throats and stuffy noses on the first day of summer. Feeling an added responsibility to imbue meaning into things because the precariousness of life has been revealed to you. Going from never napping a day in your life to not being able to keep your eyes open by 3 pm. Being ...

Big day for little bear!

To compliment a vom-filled day, I am starting this blog post with a vom-worthy title. When we got up yesterday, Greg said to me, "It's a big day for little bear!" That is one of his many names for me, and sometimes he gets the title of big bear, because, yes we are occasionally gross 🐻s. And what a big day it was! We got to the MSKCC Infusion Center in BK by 8 am. A wonderful nurse named Asha administered my IVs. My parents ran some errands at the Target and Marshalls at Atlantic (Tata M- elle a finalement trouver son propre cady zizette!) Meanwhile, Jeremy, Greg and I hung out and had time for one round of Sushi Go Party (which I won, btw): And then, voila, we were done! I felt absolutely fine leaving the clinic, so we decided to swing by Milk and Honey for brunch. Friends, I hesitate to even post this picture, because the reminder of yesterday still rings hard in my esophagus. But for the sake of the blog, here goes: Let's just say I was a little overzealou...

I'm a pisces, but I had cancer!

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