I'm a pisces, but I had cancer!

Ladies and gentleman, what a week. I officially look like a cancer patient! My hair was falling out in droves, so on Monday, I buzzed it all off. Here is the 'before' shot: My awesome hairdresser gave Grisha a complementary buzz that same day, and he looks very handsome in solidarity with me with his short hair. Now, I take pause sharing this one, because I can't lie, I truly hate being bald, but in the sake of sharing this cancer 'journey' with you all, here it is, the official hair loss shot:   I don't love not having hair, and I'm frankly just annoyed that I now have an external marker to the world that I have cancer. But hey, before being annoyed, on Monday, I had a really lovely catch up session with my friend and fellow PhDer Jenna. Here's mom and Jenna at lunch:  Jenna brought good vibes, a gorgeous orchid arrangement, and delicious pastries from her local Jackson Heights bakery. She also took note of the fact that I had...

Cancer is...  Waking up to find hundreds of hairs on your pillow and being scared of the shower because the hair just won't stop falling out.  Drinking water and electrolytes nonstop and still feeling dehydrated all. the. damn. time.  Reading the same paragraph over and over and over and not absorbing any of it.  Thinking your brain will never be clear enough to finish your dissertation.  Wondering about what you would be doing in that moment if you didn't have cancer.  Saying to yourself, "I have cancer." and it still being weird.  Wanting to call your Mami but not wanting to have to answer the question about why you're not having babies yet.  Sore throats and stuffy noses on the first day of summer.  Feeling an added responsibility to imbue meaning into things because the precariousness of life has been revealed to you.  Going from never napping a day in your life to not being able to keep your eyes open by 3 pm. Being ...

Yesterday was a chemo day, and boy, I can't sugarcoat it, are those days rough. It's a weird thing, because the treatment itself, besides being prodded with an IV for three hours, is perfectly fine. Even the first few hours after, you feel pretty okay. But then, it just slowly creeps up on you, like a fog cloud all over your body. And then the exhaustion and nausea set in. Man, so much of cancer is just a wicked waiting game. I will say that sleeping through the day did me some good, and in general, my response was MUCH better than the first treatment, especially in terms of the heartburn, for which I prophylactically took some meds. I had  a new nurse this treatment, who was a Soviet from Brooklyn like Grisha. She was nice, and good at her job, but I didn't like her as much as nurse #1, Asha.* With the chemo meds, they bring in a second nurse to double-check your identity as to make sure they're 100% giving the right doses to the right person, and Asha popped in fo...

Happy weekend! I woke up this morning to the tune of Yakety Sax . You know what that must mean- my brother Jon is in town! I'm not exactly sure how this started, but a few years ago, Jon and I invented a game where we chased each other around our respective homes, but only to the tune of that song. I won't try and explain it, it's just what we do. Anyways, it's been a really nice off week from chemo. In anticipation of losing it all, I decided to chop off my hair! It's definitely different and unlike anything I've had before (kind of like my life right now) but my lovely hairdresser, Goldie, did a wonderful job: A huge MERCI and shoutout to my darling cousine Agatha, who insisted on paying for my haircut. YET little did she (or I) know that my salon, the Birdhouse in Brooklyn, offers FREE haircuts to cancer patients. Who knew having cancer would come with such perks?! In all seriousness, it is an incredibly kind gesture. And thanks to Agatha for paying ...

Hello! I'm feeling relatively normal this weekend! Greg and I had some stuff to do at our house upstate, so we went up for the day yesterday. The weather was gorgeous, and our dear friends Katie and Joe met us up there to help and hang with us. Katie being amazing, she brought tons of Home Goods finds, and then she had me pick and choose whether we wanted the various pieces upstate or downstate. So I am now the proud owner of a beautiful wicker candelabra that I had no idea I wanted, but totally do! Because I want this to be the cover photo of this blog post, I'll slip in here that on our drive back to Brooklyn, Greg and I made an aggressive U-turn so we could hit up this endlessly charming ice creamery on the side of the road: Back to actually being upstate though– we installed AC units, ate the sweetest strawberries, and went for a drink (just water for me!) at the brewery where we all gathered the night before our wedding last year. It was so nice. While at the house...

Friends, it's been an exhausting week. Monday was very rough, but each day has gotten progressively better. Did a bit of work yesterday for my consulting gig, and have been hydrating like hell. Have been a little groggy, especially in the evenings, but hope to return to a semi-normal work schedule tomorrow. Yet among these rough days, I've had so many reminders of what an incredible support network I have. So yes, it's that time... a shoutout post! n.b.- this is in no particular sequential/chronological order, and I apologize in advance for any omissions. First things first, I came back from my first chemo session on Monday and was overwhelmed to find an INSANE care package from my extended NYC + NOVA girlfriends. Skin care products custom-made for chemo, UBER gift certificates, make-up, oh my! : The note was short and sweet– "You got this, we got you. All of our love." Made my heart melt. So– Nicole, Emily, Katie, Lauren, Allix, Martina, Elana, Bekah, Sa...

To compliment a vom-filled day, I am starting this blog post with a vom-worthy title. When we got up yesterday, Greg said to me, "It's a big day for little bear!" That is one of his many names for me, and sometimes he gets the title of big bear, because, yes we are occasionally gross 🐻s. And what a big day it was! We got to the MSKCC Infusion Center in BK by 8 am. A wonderful nurse named Asha administered my IVs. My parents ran some errands at the Target and Marshalls at Atlantic (Tata M- elle a finalement trouver son propre cady zizette!) Meanwhile, Jeremy, Greg and I hung out and had time for one round of Sushi Go Party (which I won, btw): And then, voila, we were done! I felt absolutely fine leaving the clinic, so we decided to swing by Milk and Honey for brunch. Friends, I hesitate to even post this picture, because the reminder of yesterday still rings hard in my esophagus. But for the sake of the blog, here goes: Let's just say I was a little overzealou...

Hi all, provided all goes well, tomorrow is ACTUAL chemo day! I'm still nervous, but I'm feeling SO much better now that my body has had more time to heal from my fertility procedure. And after a really rough week, I also got to have a little hang out time this weekend, so I'm happy about that. Yesterday was actually a MOVE-IN DAY– my parents are very good parents, and they have decided to rent a place in Brooklyn as I undergo treatment. My mom is retired, so she can be here as much as she wants/needs, and my dad can come up on weekends. A pied-de-terre, if you will! As luck would have it, Greg, who is on our co-op board, found out there was an open apartment on the 7th floor of our building. It took some back-and-forth, but my parents are now our neighbors. Too close for a woman who has been living on her own for nearly the last 15 years? MAYBE. But it's also nice. Here is a shot of the place yesterday: Shout out to our friend Kevin who helped us retrieve a couch...